an empty place v3.5

I had an appointment this morning for an evaluation of candidacy for Lasik. I have been considering this procedure for several years but have been, well, to put it plainly scared. I mean come on, you only get two eyes and mine were already defective. In fact, if it weren't for M making the appointment for me this wouldn't have happened at all. So, because I was fairly nervous about this I ended up at the office an hour early.
As I sat filling out my paperwork, I couldn't help but watch two procedures being performed through the glass barrier separating the lobby from the exam room. The first patient, a woman in her early forties, climbed off the table, donned her sunglassed and laughed with her hubby and child as the walked out of the office. The second patient was a man slightly older and equally pleased with this procedure.
After my initial exam I waited in the lobby with dilated eyes to see the doctor and witnessed a third and fourth procedure. Each took less than ten minutes and the patients all hopped off the table with a huge grin and took to the streets. I was totally amazed that I was able to schedule my procedure to be performed only five hours after my initial consult. Rock on!
I went to work and goofed off for about twenty minutes chatting it up with my boss and hit the road to get things ready for this afternoon's miracle session. Man, everything just kinda flew by. It occurs to me now that I didn't even talk to my cube mate about this, sorry Mike, I'll catch you up Monday. Getting my 'script (65 bones for 5mL is insane), coordinating a ride at the last minute, getting there, it all seemed so surreal.
At the vision center, waiting for my turn under the laser, I got the opportunity to speak with a gentleman that I'd just watched get "done". He said, "I didn't feel anything, it was weird." Through all of the waiting I did not feel a bit anxious or nervous. It all seemed old hat. I guess after witnessing firsthand a half dozen procedures and people walking out as if nothing had happened I'd gotten it into my head that there was nothing to it. That's where I was dead wrong.
Now, I know pain. I've had tattoos, dental work, broken bones (and teeth), torn ligs and a rotator cuff. I had an eleven day migrain headache from a botched spinal tap, I've been struck squarely in the eye with a 95 mph (its speed was measured during that pitch) fast ball, but I've never in my life felt a pain this bad before. From start to finish and five hours following I was in such agony that I couldn't even stand up. I kept telling the doctor during the procedure that it hurt and he kept telling me that it didn't. "This really hurts man," I'd say. "No it doesn't," he'd immediately respond. "Dude, this really fucking hurts!" I raised my voice. "Now now" he said. The assistant slightly gasped next to me.
How could I describe it? Imagine getting soap in your eyes, not that new shit you'd use on your kids but that old dish soap with a little too much lye in it. Then take a screw driver and start jabbing yourself in the right eye while trying to "keep your other eye open." Now repeat in the left eye. I don't know if that's how it'd feel but you deserve it for asking such a dumb question. It hurt dammit!
For the next five hours I was in such pain that I could only wryth in bed clutching head. I had to be in a completely dark room and then, even with the 5mg of Valium they supplied before the procedure, 10mg Percocet we'd gotten from a concerned friend, and 5mg of Vicoden I had left over from a previous injury I was still in pain and not unconscious. Then suddenly, by the fifth hour (about 8 o'clock), it was gone. I didn't feel stupid as if I were high, just that the pain was gone. The part that surprised me the most was that I was finally able to open my eyes and when I did, I could see. I could see things I couldn't see before - damn, so that's what I look like?