Its a good idea but it'll never work
Pedro: Hey how am I driving, man?
Man Stoner: I think we're parked.
-- Up in Smoke
Here is a
story I found very interesting. But come on, it'll never fly. Enough on that, I'm tired of the stuff in the news.
Nothing from the adjuster so I am calling the company. Tickety tickety tick through the automated system and I am speaking with someone who sounds like they are having a bad day. So, I put on my best voice with a thick layer of patience and try to explain why I am calling.
Rep: General claims.
Me: Hi, um, would it be easier if I just gave you my policy number up front?
Rep: Is this a policy issue or a claim issue?
Me: A claim issue.
Rep: Then I need your claim number.
Me: Well, I was told someone would be out within 48 hours and I haven't heard from anyone yet, so I don't have a claim number.
Rep: No, you were told you would be contacted by someone.
Me: Ok, but I was told to call back if it didn't happen.
Rep: Well, what's your last name?
Me: Brown
Rep: Could you spell that?
Me: No no, with a 'G'
Rep: First name.
Me: Leroy, Big Bad
Rep: What day was the damage
Me: as in, when I called?
Rep: No you moron, when did the damage occur? Dumbass.
Me: Well, I don't know when the damage occured but I found it last Saturday when I was risking my life rescuing a baby bird that had fallen out of its nest.
Rep: Your claim number is 10891238765645089134091470145783140987345-98131750134896.q
Me: Ok, now what?
Rep: Oh, this is supposed to be my claim but I don't have your file, please hold.
Me: Brilliant.
a few minutes later...
Rep: I can't find your file anywhere. I wasn't here Monday so someone else might have it. I will call you back when I find it.
Me: About how long do you think it will be?
Rep: About an hour.
Me: Oh, wow, I was expecting like a couple more days or something.
Rep: Ok, bye.
click
We'll see how that goes...
Great minds hardly ever think alike
Jerry Fletcher: A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line.
-- Conspiracy Theory
M and I have a very stressful relationship, we are both intelligent people; she moreso than I. And it just baffles me when we don't see eye-to-eye on issues that I find to be very important. I find the whole Supreme Court ruling regarding Eminent Domain to be very important. She doesn't. I find the erosion of our freedoms and rights to be a huge issue. She doesn't. Her theory is that if you aren't doing anything wrong, you should have nothing to hide. In fact, just last night I mentioned that our progression to a police-state would not only be gradual, people would deny it to be so out of comfort and conformity. She laughed and suggested I should just move to Montana and join the Freemen. I laughed and said blow me (in my head).
I am far from militant, in fact, I am quite lazy just like everyone else. Ever wonder why nobody will do anything about all these new rulings and legislation? Well, I blame you. I can't blame myself, that would be un-American. Oh well, my attention span just...
Interesting precursors
Ripley: You are my lucky star... Lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky, lucky.
-- Alien
This weekend I decided to do some landscaping around Casa de Juan - the outside that is. As I was poking around with my shovel, deciding what I was going to do and where (actually I was trying to convence myself I hadn't taken on more than I wanted to chew) Thing Two starts hoping around pointing feverishly at the gound squeeking something about a bird. I look in the direction his furry little mitt is pointing and I see a brand new, gray, fuzzy chiklet with its bright yellow (and abnormallay large - I mean seriously, this thing was huge, like it could have swallowed itself. Maybe that's how it got on the ground) mouth open expecting an offering of some sort of regurjitated worm mess I'm sure. "Holy crap!" I exclaim, "Its a mutant alien-demon-thing sent to take over our planet!" Thing One was not impressed but approached with caution. Not knowing what to do I order Thing's One and Two not to get too close because mutant alien-demon-things that young cannot control their eye beam powers too well I was simply not in the mood to be picking Thing bits out of the grass. They actually listened this time.
I wanted M to get animal control to bring a giant net, cattle prods, six or eight burrly men with war experience and a truck with a reinforced cage but they didn't open for another hour. Why isn't animal control open 24 hours a day? What happens if a person is mauled by an insane Siamese cat before 9a and after 5p?
Well, I knew exactly what needed to be done at this point, I needed to bash it with my shovel, burry it as deep as possible, and force Thing One and Two in to silence. But M found on the Internet that you should craddle it in your hands to keep it warm, find the nest and put it back. "Damn her and this 'Internet' thing! Damn you Al Gore! Damn you all to hell!" I cursed as I slowly lowered the shovel from above my head.
While the tree I suspect it fell from is against my hose (I actually think it might have bounced off my roof before it hit the ground, which would explain why it wasn't viciously attacking any of us; being dazed and all) I don't have a ladder tall enough to get me there. So I used the truck. Yes, I am White Trash. Both of my immediate neighbors have ladders and would have been more than willing to loan theirs to me, but I wanted to practice my Mad Ninja Skillz and triangle hop from wall to truck to roof (narrowly avoiding the back window of the truck and the window to my weight room). That was the plan anyway. The way it went was only slightly different: I climbed up like a little girl being prodded by her older borthers to make an ass out of myself. I called but my mom didn't hear me so I just followed through.
You see, if not for this little fella's plight, I would not have discovered a number of soft spots in my roof. That's right, soft spots. The roof isn't, as far as I know, supposed to be squishy when you step on it. I had M stand where she felt a certain wall in my house was, then I had her stand further out in the yard so I could actually see her. It would appear that a leak has developed over a wall that I have been having some wiring problems with for a couple of weeks. This is just not good news. But, once again, if not for the rescue efforts of Team 'Merica, this would have gone too far and more damage would have been done.
To wrap up the unfortunate tale of the fallen bird, I fixed the nest it fell out of and stuck it back in there with its sibling still in there.
Fast forward to this morning. I call my Mortgage company and this is how the automated system goes:
APS: Thank you for calling blah blah blah please enter your account number and press pound when you are done.
Me: Go to hell. I press pound
APS: That was not a valid account number, if you do not have a valid account number, we cannot help you in a timely manner, please enter your correct account number
Me: Like I would enter an incorrect account number. Press pound again.
APS: Without an account number, we cannot garauntee that your call will be routed to the correct service representative, please enter your account number - this time, the recording was getting snippy with me
Me:Pound pound pound
APS: Fine, wait then
This cool guy almost immediately comes on the line and I get my insurance policy number and their contact information and I call them. That wasn't so bad, good thing I called first thing this morning.
APS: Thank you for calling blah blah blah, please enter your policy number and press pound
Me: OK, I'll bite, tickety tickety tick
APS: If you would like instructions in English, press one...
Me: WHA?
APS: ... our volume today is light, your hold time should be less than 10 minutes...
Me: HUH?
After navigating their menu system, eventually, it says my call has been redirected to the claims department and I wait. Then a voice mail picks up saying I should leave a message. CLICK
Round two. This time a pleasant sounding woman comes on the line, "Can I have your policy number please?" I decide not to fight it and give it to her. "Your name," she continues; "... address," HOLD THE PHONE!!! When you give some one your account number, shouldn't they have all your information displayed before them on that magical machine of theirs? Is the clickety clack in the background a recording or is she actually typing into a computer? Why should she be required to enter all of this data? Who wrote the stupid program that she is using, that is obviously not connected to the automated phone system, that does not have a connection to the database holding my information as it relates to my account number?!?! But no, I don't fight it, I succumb, I give here all the info. Now, I might hear from an adjuster within the next few days.
But this is nothing compared to when I got a new cell phone...
By the way...
Intoxicated - the way I go through life
Inebriated - and then I pay the price
Designated drinker with a defected driver -- The Vandals "Live Fast, Diarrhea"
... In case you didn't know, a few years ago CNN did a
story on the 1994 "Diet Coke Guy" aka Luck Vanous. Why you ask? Because in 2002 there was nothing else to fill their pages with, good thing
times have changed.
WTF?!
So standby and watch
This fall away and fall apart. -- Hawthorne Heights "Life on Standby"
Sometimes I just don't know why I bother looking at the news. I've always hated it, I never opted for a news broadcast over, well, anything really. I know, I should stay more informed, but about what? Its not like I have any control over anything; atleast it seems that way. But, glancing through
FARK I found this article:
Supreme Court Rules Cities May Seize Homes. What the @#%!& is this about? I wonder, if this had passed sooner if there would have been as much hassel when they planned a new interstate through some neighborhoods and the
Sunshine Speedway.
Hosted by Whiz Wheels
So basically, while some people are thrilled the track is gone, that wasn't the only property that got the axe. Thing is, these properties were purchased. With this new decision by the Supreme Court, it would seem that would no longer be necessary. Sure hope they don't decide to drive a hyper-space byway through my neighborhood.
http://www.sptimes.com/2004/11/28/Sports/Darkness_comes_over_S.shtml
http://multimedia.tbo.com/multimedia/flash/speedway/
http://www.tbinterstates.com/urs/content/design/CR296/index.asp
And in other news...
- I had no idea there were so many of these. But then, I never really cared either.
- If only M would go for it.
My new girlfriend
Steve Jobs: I don't want you to think of this as just a film - some process of converting electrons and magnetic impulses into shapes and figures and sounds - no. Listen to me. We're here to make a dent in the universe. Otherwise, why even be here? We're creating a completely new consciousness, like an artist or a poet. We're rewriting the history of human thought with what we're doing. That's how you have to think of this.
Ridley Scott: Well, Steven, right now I'm a touch more worried about getting light on the actress, do you know what I mean? . -- Pirates of Silicon Valey
I have a rather ugly history with computers. This doesn't make much sense really considering I am software engineer - well, I used to be anyway (when I worked for
L-3 Communications, now I am an analyst/programmer at my current place (of which I ain't tellin)). Anyway, it seems that every machine I get ends miserably. I've had computers get blown up by power surges, get water damage in a flood (long story) and an evil water cooler (go figure), and get repoed by the people that said "no problem, consider it a gift". I've had disk drives get fed peanut butter sandwiches and have poker chips jammed in them, hard drives die from repeditive (and very fast) power cycles, being dropped, kicked, or otherwise manhandled improperly. The water cooler incedent was my fault.
Every software package I have ever used has been on PC. Every software package I have every written has been for the PC. I've played with Linux and BSD variants but have always used Windows primarily. And they've all been desktop machines (or skillfully hidden under the desk where it can be easily kicked when you try hard not to). My newest computer, the one I just got two days ago, brand new (no more hand-me-downs), in all its sleekness and glory is a PowerBook. A 17" G4 PowerBook. This thing is sweet. This thing is awesome. This thing is completely alien to me.
The first thing I noticed about it is its lack of a backspace key. Where's the damn backspace? The delete key (stealthfully living where the backspace should be) deletes backwards and I can't find the forward-deleting button. And what about that great feature for moving the cursor one word at a time (as opposed to one character at a time)? Can you say learning curve? So far, none of the shortcuts I used to know and love are the same.
But, what really blows my mind (I'm easy) is that when the ambient light goes down, the keyboard lights up (that means the letters on each key glows - actually, there is only one letter (character) on most of the keys). Sold!
I got the computer in advance of a web design job I am doing for a friend and while a guy I work with suggested that cash would have been a better deal, I am totally and completely bored with Windows. Plus ca change, plus c-est la meme chose.
Vacation
Intoxicated - the way I go through life
Inebriated - and then I pay the price
Designated drinker with a defected driver -- Deliverence
I've never had a real vacation where I had nothing work or school related to occupy my mind, so I was thrilled at the prospect of taking a trip to the mountains of Pennsylvania. Completely unplugged for 10 days. Nothing pressing, no worries, no concerns. Absolute isolation. Isolation. Sends chills down my spine.
The journey begins. Well, not yet, let's go back about two months when M decides we are going to see her dad whom she hasn't seen in about 12 years. Long story but there is a great deal of anxiety to follow this decision. So much so that during this time I grew a beard that she didn't notice until I pointed it out to her. Oh well.
Between the time the plans were finalized and we left, from various relatives I hear nothing but horror stories of how terrible this trip is going to be. Yeah, I am getting nervous about being in the sticks with anal retentive hosts and no hope of escape. Why do people feel they have to share their bad experiences? Isn't there anything good about this place?
We left almost 24 hours late, returning a couple of times due to forgotten tasks and stuff. Just about a block from the house, we realized the first item missing: Ice for the cooler. Then, on the way from the convenience store to the interstate we realized we'd forgotten the directions. But, with three ink jet printers and a laser printer, none of them want to work. None of them seem to ever want to work. After comparing
Google to
Mapquest I jotted down Mapquest's.
One good part of the time on the road was the
Audiovox portable DVD player we picked up to keep Thing One and Thing Two occupied. Though, the first one we got was busted, the second one worked out well. If it weren't for M, that purchase would never have been made, thanks go to her for that.
The trip up wasn't too bad, 20 hours with getting lost in Gainsville (some people know how to read street signs while other's don't trust them; M). Some minor slowdowns along 95 in Georgia and South Carolina and I narrowly avoided a couple speed traps in some construction zones. And its not bad that "are we there yet" didn't sound until we were 831 miles into the 1200 mile trip.
Leaving town at 4:30pm Friday, June 10, we arrived in "the valley" shortly before noon the next day. Having not slept since Thursday, I was beat. But we didn't hit the sack until almost midnight that night. No problems, I do it all the time for work. The rest of the time spent there was a blur. Days melded with nights. It seemed as one long day peppered with 10 - 12 hour naps. Yeah. I slept alot. There really wasn't much else to do.
We let Thing One and Thing Two lose on Hershey and they tore the place up. They really had a good time there. We did some fishing, or should I say, torturing worms in the pond across the yard. Now, this pond, its kinda scummy looking, but I guess that's just because of the foliage surrounding it dropping its crap into it. It was fed by this stream that run from under the house we were staying at. The stream, while small, was so insanely cold (something like 40 degrees) that it actually kept the basement and cellar cold. Guess that's why its called a spring house. We just don't have those here.
Well, the trip back was uneventful, except for taking about three hours less while sitting in construction traffic for about an hour and hitting a deer. Yeah, it trashed the passenger light assembly, the grill, the bumper, etc...
Yummy
